Deliver Me

1. It is March, I have relocated to New Jersey (for the time being), and I am currently on OB/GYN (obstetrics and gynecology).

2. OB/GYN is actually a lot more interesting than I imagined it would be - female anatomy is certainly unique/special and there is nothing quite like seeing a baby being born.

3. When I speak of female anatomy, I am mostly talking about the uterus. Despite the fact that the menstrual cycle is kind of disgusting, the uterus is kind of amazing. For some reason, I find the shape of this important organ aesthetically pleasing. Also, the uterus expands like crazy during pregnancy (in order to facilitate the growth of the fetus). At one point during the course of a Cesarean section, the uterus (by now, a gigantic pink blob) will actually be pulled out of the body and placed on the woman's belly while her insides are cleaned out. Bizarre.

4. When the baby first emerges from the womb, whether via Cesarean section or vaginal delivery, it does not appear human. The baby is blue/purple, its eyes are tightly shut, its head is oddly shaped (depending upon the method of delivery), and there is a sizable gelatinous cord emerging from its belly button. The baby does not actually make any noise or start moving at all until it is completely out of the mother's body. As such, there is a period of 1-2 seconds immediately following delivery when you can look at the once-fetus/now-newborn and truly appreciate how alien the creature appears. And then the baby starts crying/flailing its extremities, the parents start crying, and the whole situation becomes surprisingly emotional for everyone involved.

5. It is nearly impossible for the woman to maintain any shred of dignity or composure in the setting of a hospital labor and delivery floor. Having a baby is messy business. Similarly, any type of gynecological exam or procedure will place the woman in just as compromising of a position. It takes a special kind of doctor to develop a relationship with women when they are most vulnerable and helpless (whether or not childbirth is involved).

6. That said, I don't think I can be that kind of doctor. Sometimes, I find myself wondering if I can be any kind of doctor at all. But this is a quandary I've been having that goes beyond the scope of my OB/GYN rotation. And I don't think there is any imminent delivery (or perhaps deliverance would be more appropriate) waiting for me in the wings.

7. Time is running out, and I am nowhere nearer to deciding what to do with my life than I was first year. More to come on this later... maybe.